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No Longer on Call

On 19 Sep 2011, In Autism, Dhuha, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Dhuha is in her third week at Oaklands and she is still as excited as ever to go. Today she woke up early, ate her breakfast and got dressed. After Umm Dhuha left for her university class, Dhuha tried to to put her own coat on. Then she pestered me to take her outside and wait for her bus.

So there we stood, with a solid 10 mins before the bus would actually come and her tugging on my arm trying to get ever closer to the curb. Once the bus finally arrived she jumped on. I said bye to her, which she apparently took as me trying to take her off the bus. So, she tried to close the bus doors herself. MashaAllah, it was very cute.

Crucially, all of this happened without the slightest sound of discontent from her. Moreover, her home school book continues to be filled with glowing remarks.

I feel so confident sending Dhuha to school that I have actually entertained ideas of moving away from the telephone during the day. Last year, I was never sure if Dhuha was going to stay at school. I was never sure if a “tragedy” was going to require me to fetch her early. I feel such relief. Alhamdulillah.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Al-Aqsa School. I just don’t feel like it (or any mainstream school) is an appropriate place for a child with ASD.

All Praise and Thanks belongs to Allah alone.

Dhuha is Doing Well at Her New School

On 11 Sep 2011, In Autism, Dhuha, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Since Sabah first started school, I’ve had concerns about my girls’ schooling of one type or another. I’ve written about school a few times, which gives a cursory glance at some of those concerns. I’ve not written extensively on the subject because of lack of time and the sometimes sensitive nature of events at school.

Dhuha’s schooling has been of particular concern. Once Zahira and I made the decision to move her from Al-Aqsa Primary School to Oaklands Special Needs Primary School earlier this year, I have stressed and worried. Alhamdulillah the blessed month of Ramadan came the month before school started and it caused me to forget all my school worries.

Just two days after we celebrated the Eid, Dhuha started school. Surprisingly, on the morning of, I was calm and relaxed. Dhuha was also in a good mood despite not sleeping much the night before.

Alhamdulillah, its been just over a week and I’m still feeling calm and relaxed about both my girls’ schools. Al-Aqsa Primary School is a wonderful school, filled with people who genuinely care about the Islamic upbringing of children. MashaAllah, I can say that even with exclusive insider information as a husband of one of their teachers and an occasional volunteer. My limited experiences with Oaklands have also been positive, especially so since Dhuha is obviously enjoying the time she spends there. For example, last Friday she forced me to wait for her bus outside because she was so anxious to go.

Dhuha’s Home School Book entires since the beginning of the year.

1/9/11

Hi,

Dhuha has settled in well into caterpillars. She had a few moments when she was upset this morning but this didn’t last long! she was soon exploring her classroom. She was a bit wary of going into the soft playroom and sensory room but once she went in she enjoying it and didn’t want to come back out.

She also liked playing in the sand, listening to number rhymes and printing a picture.

5/9/11

Hi,

Many thanks for completing and returning the “All About Me” sheet.

Dhuha has had a lovely calm day today. and enjoyed participating in gelli baff messy play and playing with ICT toys.

6/9/11

Hi, Dhuha has had a good day & enjoyed soft play, sensory room & dance this afternoon.

Dhuha became a little distressed this afternoon & was holding her tummy ? but soon stopped!

7/9/11

Dhuha has been happy today joining in all activities with little persuasion.

8/9/11

Dhuha has had another good day in school again joining in all activities especially outdoor play.

9/9/11

Hi,

Dhuha has had a good day and enjoyed puring water into the tuff spot to turn soap flakes into bubbles she has been a little unsettled at times – crying for no apparent reason. Hope Dhuha has a lovely weekend.

All Praise and Thanks belong to Allah alone!

A Need for an Islamic Special Needs School

On 13 Feb 2011, In Autism, Family, by , 10 Comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Parenting is a difficult job and it often requires parents to make difficult decisions about their children’s future. Among the most difficult, for me, has been deciding where to send my girls for school.

Sabah

Sabah started her learning career in public school, which was fine until it came to celebrating the holidays of the non-Muslim community. Her school, like most I imagine, made an especially big fuss about Christmas. Much less attention was given to Eid and other non-Christian holidays. Given the fact that Sabah’s class was more than 95% Muslim and most of the remaining 5% were Hindu, I had a big problem with the over the top attention given to Christian holidays.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against teaching kids about the holidays and beliefs of others. Sabah knows, for example, that Christmas is for Christians and past the pretty lights she couldn’t careless about it. Besides, there is nothing more precious, to her, on this planet than Eid. I just don’t want their celebrations and holidays forced down the throat of my children.

Our solution was to place Sabah in a private Islamic school. The school is far from perfect and I could find reason to criticize it. However, Sabah is doing well and I’m far happier sending Sabah to school.

Dhuha

Dhuha, on the other hand, started school in a specialist nursery for children with ASD, which turned out to be a terrible nightmare never to be repeated. Overnight, my docile, affectionate, sweet Dudu became an aggressive biting, pinching and spitting machine, who found it impossible to go to sleep. Dhuha was struggling to cope at school and no one informed us. Her school journal was filled with the unimportant details of what she ate during the day. A year and a half later, we are still dealing with the consequences.

Like Sabah, our solution was to put Dhuha into a private Islamic school and they seemed happy to have her. The rest of the year went smoothly and I was happy sending her to school.

When this year began, I was hopeful that Dhuha would continue to do well at school. However, despite intentions and effort, school has become a daycare, where someone looks after her and makes sure she doesn’t get into trouble but where very little learning is done. To be successful at teaching a child with autism, the school must make fantastic efforts to tailor lesson plans to the individual child, the teacher must strive to understand autism, the teacher must truly care about the child, and teaching must be done in partnership with the parents. Moreover, time is a factor. The child has to learn the skills to communicate and become independent as quickly as possible.

We don’t want to waste any more of Dhuha’s time. Therefore, Zahira and I have been to see a local public school that specializes in teaching children with various special needs, autism amongst them. I was particularly impressed with the way I saw them using PECS.

We have started the process of moving Dhuha to this new school. However, I feel tormented. This school is going to have some of the same problems as Sabah’s old school. I don’t think its necessarily the best idea to put so many children with so many problems together. I can’t have a repeat of Dhuha’s first school experience. Dhuha can’t speak for herself and I have a mistrust of public school employees. At the same time, Dhuha is not learning to communicate and she seems to not be included in her class, which is the primary reason for sending her to her current school.

An Islamic Special Needs School

I have to choose the best of a bad situation. Neither of my options are perfect. What would be perfect, is a school that can excel at teaching special needs children based on the Guidance and Mercy of Allah and His Rasul. Perhaps, my hair can be prevented from turning white and my head could fall heavily onto my pillow, without anxiety and worry. I know that if my prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, were on this earth now, his mercy and patience towards our children would be limitless. Dhuha and all special needs children deserve a home and school life based on that mercy and patience.

Dhuha’s Sports Day

On 24 Jun 2010, In Dhuha, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Yesterday was Dhuha’s turn at sports day. May Allah reward Dhuha’s key worker, who really looks after Dhuha. I’m very grateful for her effort in making sure Dhuha was able to take part.

Alhamdulillah.

Sabah’s Sports Day

On 21 Jun 2010, In Sabah, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Last week Sabah had her first sports day at school. We all had so much fun and Sabah did very well, mashaAllah, when she wasn’t lazing about or searching for flowers. Sabah was also being a great big sister. At one point Dhuha decided to sit down on Sabah’s lap, Sabah patiently sat there hugging Dhuha. I told Sabah that if she wanted it would be alright to go and play with her friends.  Sabah responded, ‘I want to play with Dhuha and my friends’. I love my girls.

From Sabah to Dhuha

On 26 Feb 2010, In Dhuha, Sabah, by , 2 Comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Yesterday at school, Sabah must have been thinking about Dhuha. So she coloured a picture and told her teacher that she wanted to give it to Dhuha, who is in another class. With permission, Sabah when to Dhuha’s class and gave her the picture you see. Dhuha was thrilled, Masha’Allah.

Sabah really loves Dhuha. That makes me feel proud to have such wonderful little girls. Plus, she has better crayon control at five than I do at 28 and 11 months. Alhamdulillah. 

School, Stars of the Week, The Power Puff Girls, Driving, Traffic Tickets and Inside-Out Clothes

On 07 Dec 2009, In Family, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

The past few weeks or so have been really interesting for my Islamic family.

Sabah got star of the week at school for catching up with her classmates so quickly. She started late because we had to wait for a place. I wasn’t surprised that Sabah was able to do that because she works really hard and genuinely enjoys the tasks her teacher gives her. One morning I dropped her off and she went straight to her desk and started writing her name. She was concentrating so much that despite calling her name and waving I wasn’t able to get her attention.

More positive news for Sabah is that she has started talking at school. I don’t think she said ten words last year. The first day of this year we drove all the way back to school just to make sure she used the toilet because we were afraid that she wouldn’t ask the teacher.

I also learned that Sabah is one of the popular kids and has her pick of friends. She refused to play with one little girl because ‘she’s not pretty’. How disappointing. We had a long talk with her and she seemed to change her attitude a bit. I hope that it is not a sign of things to come.

Sabah has also started lying to stay home from school, which is strange because every time I ask her how was school when she gets home she says, ‘I loved it’. One morning she insisted she needed the toilet right before we were leaving but when she got to the toilet she just sat there and did nothing. I was waiting for her and telling her to hurry but she just sat there and smiled back. It was only after I threatened her that if she was lying she would be in trouble that she got up and went to school. She later admitted that she was lying.

Last Friday at school and after lunch she, she told her teacher she was ill and was making puking noises. The first thing she did at home was to eat some chips and run around the house playing with her sister. I’m convinced she was lying but definitely got away with it that time.

Sabah has also stopped wanting to wear hijab and instead she wants to show off her ponytails and be a power puff girl. For the moment this isn’t really a big deal and even though she attends an Islamic private school she isn’t required to wear hijab because of her age. Most girls do though. It is funny that when she went to the public school and she was the only one wearing hijab she wanted to wear it every day. Now when a lot of the little girls wear them she doesn’t want to.

The only day this is a small problem is on Friday because all the kids go to the masjid for jamaat and it is usually Friday that she puts up a fight and wants to be a power puff girl. I explained to her that the power puff girls also wear hijab when they go to the masjid because they’re Muslim as well.

She didn’t really believe me and you probably don’t either but I submit to you that they are and I will try to prove it.

They are dutiful to their father, respectful and studious at school, generally clean and they are well behaved (I agree that these attributes are not exclusive to Muslims but they do begin to paint a picture). They are under the age of puberty and live their lives on their natural dispositions. One of those is to believe in God. Most importantly, they enjoin the good and forbid the evil and they do so with violence if needed. There is no group of people with that quality except the Muslims. All other groups either renounce violence (to their own detriment) or use it to spread corruption (to the detriment of others).

Who then agrees with me that the power puff girls are Muslim?

Dhuha has had a marvellous few weeks at school and was star of the week herself last week. She received hers for settling in so well. A difficult task for a super hyper child with ASD. She is meeting and exceeded her targets faster than expected and walks around her school like some celebrity. Even though she is in preschool and only attends school three days a week in the mornings, most of the children in the school know her and call out her name. Sabah has been referred to as Dhuha’s sister and Zahira as Dhuha’s mum.

At school she is recognising pictures to mean things. If her teacher shows her a picture of sand Dhuha immediately goes to the sand tray. A significant first step for Dhuha’s future ability to communicate with others. Its all very exciting for me as her father.

On the funny side, Dhuha has found a big ridiculous pink hat in the dress up box and really likes it. She puts it on and looks in the mirror as if she is well pleased. She wears it so much and so often that one little boy in her class seen that she was not wearing it and went and put it on her head.

She is such a celebrity that she goes where she wants to go and only goes if she wants to go. One day I had to pick her up because she just didn’t feel like being at school (I know that because she was fine the rest of the day). When I got to her school to pick her up, she was in the library laying on the super soft plushy carpet listening to nasheeds and getting a massage.

While she has done remarkably well at school and at home, bedtime has become a nightmare. She has been spending hours and hours screaming at night. I started to blog about this one night while this was going on. I’ll have a look at the draft and decide whether I should publish it or not.

Abdurrahman has been ill and puking a lot. He is also teething. Alhamdulillah, he is getting better. He hasn’t been smiling or talking much lately but today he seems to be back to his cheerful self. He also started sucking his thumb, which is something that my girls never did. I have to admit it is very cute, mashaAllah.

Zahira has been doing exceptionally well in her role as a teacher assistant and seems to really enjoy teaching. The school she is volunteering in has offered to put her into university to start her teaching career. I really am very proud of her. She has also started driving, which is fantastic for her and me. Now I don’t have to visit the school four or five times a day and she doesn’t have to worry about a ride.

So what’s been going on with me? Well I dropped Sabah off at school one morning with my clothes inside-out. I didn’t realise it until I was in the school. I tried desperately to hurry back to the car but I could feel the eyes of the teachers and parents staring at me. To make it worse on the way back to the car my shoe came untied. So there I was walking down the street with inside-out clothes and an untied shoe. Deeply embarrassing.

I also got a traffic ticket. Yay(!)

Praise and thanks belongs to Allah, Who sent the Quran in truth and Who sent Muhammad, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, in truth. So that we may be guided to truth.

I praise him for giving me the courage to abandon falsehood and false gods and false worship and guiding me to the light of pure monotheism. There is nothing better than being part of the Muslim Ummah.

Dhuha’s Home School Book

On 20 Nov 2009, In Autism, Family, by , 1 Comment

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

It came today the journal for Dhuha’s other school. As promised I will catch up all the current entries and thereafter post the new entries weekly, InshaAllah.

November 4th, 2009:

Today was Dhuha’s first day at school. She came in with mum. She settled in well in the classroom. She was clinging on to mum. Saajan from the Special Needs Team came to visit Dhuha. Dhuha was exploring around the classroom and we thought mum should leave her on her own from tomorrow.

November 5th, 2009:

Dhuha came in with mum. She seemed very keen to come in. She sat through part of the circle time and then we went outside for a walk. She came in and participated with all the activities. She enjoyed the painting and she painted over her hands. She played well alongside other children. We went to the masjid for physical development. She was running around with the other children. She drank her milk during snack time independently and had some fruit. She was very happy today.

November 6th, 2009:

Dhuha came in with dad. We read a book on the carpet before circle time. She listened very attentively. She sat all through circle time and enjoyed the recitation of the Quraan by the children. She played with another child in the water tray. The other child was pouring water into a cup she was holding. She found it very fascinating. At snack time she took my hand towards the cup as she wanted me to help her drink her milk. She did not want to go play in the masjid so we went and played with a ball outside. Dhuha had a good day today. I introduced her to a four piece puzzle which we are working on.

November 11th, 2009:

Dhuha came into school and she went to hang her coat on the coat hanger with myself. She sat on her own during circle time today. We were drawing on white boards and she was making clockwise and anti-clockwise movements. In the dressing up box she put on a pink hat which has a trail. She looked in the mirror and was very pleased. Dhuha did not want to stay in the classroom today so we were walking around the school in her pink hat. Dhuha had a snack outside the classroom today.

November 12th, 2009:

Dhuha came into school and was distressed from circle time. She was crying so went out in the corridor. She wanted me to carry her & walk around. Mum was in the school and said she wasn’t too well. Dhuha then went home.

November 13th, 2009:

Dhuha was absent today.

November 18th, 2009:

Today Kirsten & Jackie came to see Dhuha. After a while Dhuha remembered Jackie. They observed her and Jackie explained that Kirsten will come to work with Dhuha on Wednesday and Friday. Jackie said Kirsten and myself have to work together with Dhuha. We have set targets for her to work with picture cards when she wants something. Dhuha enjoyed foam play today. She smeared the foam on the table and made patterns with her fingers. She was playing with the other children on the carpet with the stickle bricks. Kirsten joined her on the carpet and when Dhuha saw her she ran to me and sat on my lap. She was very active today.

November 19th, 2009:

Dhuha was very cheerful today. She sat on her own at circle time on the carpet. She played in the sand today as she played the hiding the objects in the sand game with another child. We did some glueing and sticking. She took the spatula with glue and dripped it on her hands. She rubbed her hands together and enjoyed the feel of it. She was reluctant to wash her hands. She had snack time on her own today as I watched her from a distance. She managed to complete the 4 piece puzzle today which we have been practising everyday.

November 20th, 2009:

Dhuha was not very happy today. She didn’t want to stay in the classroom today. She had a tantrum and was pulling her hair. I had to cuddle her and lay her on the beanbag and put some nasheeds. She listened to nasheeds till she went home.

Dhuha’s School Journal entry #3 and #4

On 20 Nov 2009, In Autism, Family, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

In the first post I wrote about Dhuha’s school I included some entries that her teacher at the specialist school wrote regarding Dhuha’s time there. It was never my intention to continue posting the journal entries, but yesterday it was suggested to me that I should. This post will catch up the last two weeks and then I will try my best to post the new one every week on Monday when I get them. Inshaallah. I haven’t received a journal from the other school yet and I’m not sure that I will but if I do then I will be sure to post those as well.

Also, Dhuha’s teacher that hurt her back was replaced with someone else. Apparently her injury was more severe than originally thought.

Entry 3 Dated 9th Nov. 2009:

Dhuha has been very happy today. She has sat beautifully and had a lovely time exploring activities and playing outside. She had toast and a drink during snack-time. We all made vegetable curry and she enjoyed getting messy! She had beans, fish fingers and a cake for lunch. She didn’t [eat] a lot but she didn’t do badly. She was tired after lunch so she had a rest in a buggy.

This afternoon we are going in the jacuzzi. We have a swim bottoms. Is that what you meant? Also no one came from school.

Entry 4 Dated 16th Nov. 2009:

Dhuha was a bit unsettled this morning. I thought she was ill but she settled down and became happier. She had toast and a drink at snack-time and love the messy play activity as usual. She had beans, potatoes and fish fingers for lunch with a bit of sponge pudding afterwards.

This afternoon we are going in the light-room and soft play.

Dhuha’s Time At School

On 08 Nov 2009, In Autism, Family, by , 2 Comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Dhuha started school two weeks ago tomorrow, which was a big step for her and myself. The first week on Monday, it was hard to let go. Putting a child that is so vulnerable into the hands of people we do not know for 9 hours (including the bus ride to and from school) is worrying. I worry despite having met her teachers twice, who are very agreeable and caring people. While I worry, Dhuha seems genuinely excited to go each morning.

Dhuha is allowed 5 half days of school each week, which I will call sessions. We (Dhuha’s teachers, Zahira and I) decided sometime last year that Dhuha’s schooling should be divided into time at the specialist school and a ‘normal’ school. This is to give Dhuha specialist attention and allow her to see ‘normal’ play from ‘normal’ children. On Mondays she stays at the specialist school for two sessions, she has Tuesdays off, and she attends the ‘normal’ school on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday mornings.

Zahira and I dropped Dhuha off that first morning of the 26th because her bus ride still hadn’t been sorted out and we wanted to see her in the class and meet the teachers one more time. Dhuha was a bit crabby because she wasn’t used to waking up so early. We had been working for weeks trying to get her to bed at a decent time. We managed getting it from a 12am – 1am bedtime to a 10pm bedtime, which wasn’t really good enough for our 6am wakeup time. We took her into school, one of her teachers took her coat, bag of stuff, money for lunch and a small donation for school outings. Dhuha was the first child there so I took her into the classroom and put her on the floor but she ran straight back to me and she started to cry. Realising that if I stay in the class I am going to be an obstacle preventing Dhuha from settling in, I left and watched from the hallway. Dhuha was doing well. Zahira and I stayed for a few minutes until the bus of other autistic children arrived. Being satisfied that Dhuha was going to be fine, we left.

The following is what Dhuha’s teacher wrote about her first day:

“Hi,

Dhuha has had a great morning. A few tears after you had gone but she has enjoyed exploring the room. She had toast and some apple at snack time playing with cornflour and had no problem getting messy. She listened nicely to a story too.

For lunch she had pizza (cheese and tomato), 1 chip and beans with chocolate pudding. She fed herself with a spoon and fingers. Although, I helped her towards the end with the pudding.

This afternoon we are going in the spa bath and soft play.

She loved the spa! A great first day. See you next week.

P.S. She did not have her packed lunch as dinner was so successful.”

Dhuha came home in such a relaxed mood. I had never seen her so calm and happy. It was about 4:30 in the afternoon so I gave her the packed lunch that she didn’t eat at school and she calmly ate it and drank her juice. All without spilling or messing anything. I sat and watched her in amazement. More than that, she didn’t cry, she didn’t get upset, there was no screaming, which is not something I’m used to.

Tuesday came the bad news that her specialist teacher for the ‘normal’ school had broken her back. It wasn’t so serious because it only meant that she would be out of action for two weeks. We were advised not to send Dhuha on Wednesday and so we didn’t. She missed the whole week. We did manage to sort out her bedtime and wakeup time. She was now waking up at 7:30am and sleeping at 9pm consistently and on her own.

The next Monday we had to wake her up a bit earlier but she managed quite well. The bus came at 7:45am and dropped her back off at 4:30pm. Her teacher wrote the following about her second day:

“Hi,

Dhuha has been a little more stubborn today! She has enjoyed playing with the toys in the room but didn’t want to sit down but thats O.K, we are used to that. She loved exploring paint – we made a big firework picture with our feet and hands – Dhuha loved the paint on her feet.

She only tried beans today. We offered her the sandwiches from her packed lunch but she wasn’t interested. She did like the ginger cake we had for pudding.

This afternoon we are going in the light room.”

When Dhuha came home she was more of her normal self than the first time. She cried a bit but generally she was happy.

On Tuesday, the normal school suggested that Dhuha come regardless of her specialist teacher. Zahira could stay with Dhuha and there is a student that was meant to look after Dhuha as well. Dhuha found the first day a bit hard. The noise bothered her and staying in the classroom made her frustrated. She wouldn’t sit on the carpet with the other children. She tried to eat everything. The day consisted of several trips into an empty part of the playground and playing with sensory toys. By Friday, she was showing shyness, responding to her name, using the scissors, putting 4-piece puzzles together, exploring the playground (even the noisy parts) and she didn’t eat anything.

I am extremely impressed with her student teacher, who is even taking time out of her day to travel to the specialist school to spend time with Dhuha there to see how they deal with Dhuha and what kinds of things they are teaching her. May Allah reward her and give her every success.

I am looking forward to the next week. In such a short time Dhuha seems to have grasped so much. All praise belongs to Allah.

O Allah, to You we belong and to You is our return. Raise me and my family up among Your righteous slaves.

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