Scroll To Top

Browsing: Family

No Longer on Call

On 19 Sep 2011, In Autism, Dhuha, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Dhuha is in her third week at Oaklands and she is still as excited as ever to go. Today she woke up early, ate her breakfast and got dressed. After Umm Dhuha left for her university class, Dhuha tried to to put her own coat on. Then she pestered me to take her outside and wait for her bus.

So there we stood, with a solid 10 mins before the bus would actually come and her tugging on my arm trying to get ever closer to the curb. Once the bus finally arrived she jumped on. I said bye to her, which she apparently took as me trying to take her off the bus. So, she tried to close the bus doors herself. MashaAllah, it was very cute.

Crucially, all of this happened without the slightest sound of discontent from her. Moreover, her home school book continues to be filled with glowing remarks.

I feel so confident sending Dhuha to school that I have actually entertained ideas of moving away from the telephone during the day. Last year, I was never sure if Dhuha was going to stay at school. I was never sure if a “tragedy” was going to require me to fetch her early. I feel such relief. Alhamdulillah.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Al-Aqsa School. I just don’t feel like it (or any mainstream school) is an appropriate place for a child with ASD.

All Praise and Thanks belongs to Allah alone.

Dhuha is Doing Well at Her New School

On 11 Sep 2011, In Autism, Dhuha, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Since Sabah first started school, I’ve had concerns about my girls’ schooling of one type or another. I’ve written about school a few times, which gives a cursory glance at some of those concerns. I’ve not written extensively on the subject because of lack of time and the sometimes sensitive nature of events at school.

Dhuha’s schooling has been of particular concern. Once Zahira and I made the decision to move her from Al-Aqsa Primary School to Oaklands Special Needs Primary School earlier this year, I have stressed and worried. Alhamdulillah the blessed month of Ramadan came the month before school started and it caused me to forget all my school worries.

Just two days after we celebrated the Eid, Dhuha started school. Surprisingly, on the morning of, I was calm and relaxed. Dhuha was also in a good mood despite not sleeping much the night before.

Alhamdulillah, its been just over a week and I’m still feeling calm and relaxed about both my girls’ schools. Al-Aqsa Primary School is a wonderful school, filled with people who genuinely care about the Islamic upbringing of children. MashaAllah, I can say that even with exclusive insider information as a husband of one of their teachers and an occasional volunteer. My limited experiences with Oaklands have also been positive, especially so since Dhuha is obviously enjoying the time she spends there. For example, last Friday she forced me to wait for her bus outside because she was so anxious to go.

Dhuha’s Home School Book entires since the beginning of the year.

1/9/11

Hi,

Dhuha has settled in well into caterpillars. She had a few moments when she was upset this morning but this didn’t last long! she was soon exploring her classroom. She was a bit wary of going into the soft playroom and sensory room but once she went in she enjoying it and didn’t want to come back out.

She also liked playing in the sand, listening to number rhymes and printing a picture.

5/9/11

Hi,

Many thanks for completing and returning the “All About Me” sheet.

Dhuha has had a lovely calm day today. and enjoyed participating in gelli baff messy play and playing with ICT toys.

6/9/11

Hi, Dhuha has had a good day & enjoyed soft play, sensory room & dance this afternoon.

Dhuha became a little distressed this afternoon & was holding her tummy ? but soon stopped!

7/9/11

Dhuha has been happy today joining in all activities with little persuasion.

8/9/11

Dhuha has had another good day in school again joining in all activities especially outdoor play.

9/9/11

Hi,

Dhuha has had a good day and enjoyed puring water into the tuff spot to turn soap flakes into bubbles she has been a little unsettled at times – crying for no apparent reason. Hope Dhuha has a lovely weekend.

All Praise and Thanks belong to Allah alone!

Confidence in Calling to Allah

On 28 Aug 2011, In Dawah, Ramadan, Sabah, by , No comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Islam is Truth. We are convinced of its truthfulness, spiritually and intellectually. Yet some time ago, we lost the confidence to speak the Truth and call towards it.

Why am I like a mouse when calling to Allah and my six year old daughter is like a lion?

You should worship Allah.
The only true One.
The only One who created the universe.
You should do what Muhammad did.
Worship Allah.
We should only worship Allah.
He is the truely One.
We can all pray to Him.
Allah knows everything.
We are all Muslims.

Sabah Hashim, Ramadan 1432.

Quran Goals

On 20 Aug 2011, In Abdullah, Quran, Ramadan, by , 2 Comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

It is an absolute truth that one of the many blessings of Ramadan is becoming reacquainted with the Quran. For eleven months of the year our Qurans sit on the shelf gathering dust, ignored and neglected. Then Ramadan reaches us and we race to read the entire Kitab. Indeed the Ramadan is the month of the Quran.

Allah says in His Quran (2:185),

شَهْرُ رَمَضَانَ ٱلَّذِىٓ أُنزِلَ فِيهِ ٱلْقُرْءَانُ هُدًۭى لِّلنَّاسِ وَبَيِّنَٰتٍۢ مِّنَ ٱلْهُدَىٰ وَٱلْفُرْقَانِ

The month of Ramadan in which was revealed the Qur’an, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion.

Every Ramadan we fall in love with reading the Quran. Not books about the Quran, not lectures about the Quran, not even recitations of Quran by someone else, but that special personal relationship as we read and reflect on the Kalam of Allah Azawajal in quiet solitude. What an amazing Book!

My fear and what I am feeling anxiety about is going back to the pre-Ramadan statu quo. I cannot and do not ever want to become estranged from It again. It is my love. It is my soul. If we do not have this Quran in our hearts, in our minds and on our tongues, our Islam is nothing but an empty shell.

I know that once this blessed month departs and the shayatin are let loose and when we start feeding our bodies and starving our souls and when we give precedence to our worldly pursuits, staying attached to the Quran will become more and more difficult. For that reason, we need to have a Quran goal to help us maintain our connection to the Book of Allah. We have to strictly adhere to whatever goal we set ourselves and guard it with jealousy, until it becomes our habit.

Personally, I am making intention to read half a juz every day until Ramadan reaches us again. In addition, I am making intention to learn the meanings of the words. By the time Ramadan reaches us again, I want to know the meaning of every single word. I know this is a big challenge, however, I cannot think of a more worthy use of my time and energy.

Are you setting any Quran goals for yourself? How do they compare to mine? Please do share.

Setting Boundaries

On 05 Jun 2011, In Autism, Dhuha, by , 2 Comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

I believe establishing boundaries for my children and ensuring they adhere to them is important. They help keep them safe from potential harm and out of trouble.

It has been my experience that when children have clear boundaries that they understand, they are generally better behaved. As long as you’re fair, consistent and take the time to explain the rules you have set out, most children easily conform. To me, Sabah has validated this point-of-view.

Dhuha on the other hand, has lived most of her life within unexplained, unfair and inconsistent boundaries. In the past, if she made a mess in the kitchen, we wouldn’t allow her back in. If she played with something in the bathroom that she wasn’t meant to have, we’d take her out of the bathroom. When she started eating sand, we took sand from her. In frustration, we would confine her to an ever smaller space.

Confining Dhuha to small spaces was a particular problem when we stayed at my in-laws, where she would regularly be restricted to just two rooms. Before that, we used to prevent her from going into the kitchen, bathroom and sometimes our bedroom, which left just three rooms for her to move around in.

Of course, that is unacceptable. Dhuha is an equal member of this family and when we moved into this new place, I was keen to allow her to have free access to every room in the house and outside, with the sole exception of my room. But, how do we allow her freedom to move about in her own home, without constantly chasing after her to stop her from smearing butter into the carpet on the stairs?

We have to set up boundaries, which she understands. Our solution has been to create a visual aid, which we place on things and rooms, which she is not allowed to touch or enter. My bedroom, the downstairs loo, the greenhouse and the outside gate, which leads to the road. We also carry around cards with the same image and every time she does or tries to do that is out of bounds, we present this card to her and we say “stop”.

It’s early days still but she seems to understand what the image is all about. Today, she removed the sign from the downstairs loo before she entered it. I’m hopeful that this will allow us to establish fair, consistent boundaries that she understands.

All Praise and Thanks belongs to Allah alone.

A New Place Brings a New Peace

On 16 May 2011, In Family, by , 5 Comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

In the lead up and to the end of last Ramadan, there was a happy tranquillity in our home. It marked the end of a trying year and everything seemed on the up. The boy was progressing as we hoped. Sabah was growing in confidence. Dhuha was putting the trauma of the previous year behind her. Zahira was looking forward to starting her first year of university and a new year of teaching. We seemed to have acquired an equilibrium in our family that had been missing for some time. Indeed, all praise and thanks belong to Allah for His blessings and that period of respite. MashaAllah.

That moment of calmness was destined to be short. As Ramadan ended and we were celebrating Eid-ul-Fitr, a new fitnah invited itself home. What a bloodthirsty trial it was! It wasn’t long before we were throwing the children’s newly bought Eid toys into the bin and most of everything else.

I can now put the financial cost of our ordeal to be between £6,000 and £8,000. However, it was the stress that had the longest and deepest impact. We had no bed, no blankets and no refuge. What I remember most was the day we took Dhuha’s bed out. That night Dhuha went looking for her bed, unable to find it she walked in circles until out of exhaustion and despair she sat on the steps leading to her room and placed her head in her hands and cried. One cannot imagine what an extraordinary gift a dark night in restful sleep is, until it has been taken away.

We were given a lifeline and invited into my in-laws home. What a relief it was to have a sanctuary! We left our house as quickly as we could. We salvaged what we could of our possessions and took the rest to the skip. It was one of the many blessings that Allah Ta’ala has given us, that we didn’t pass our plague onto our generous hosts.

Our intention was to stay a few weeks or a month at most. We began looking for a place of our own immediately. However, it was terribly difficult to find an adequate house to rent, within our budget. As the weeks turned into months, our sanctuary became a prison. The difficulty, placed on us all, was significant.

When we had almost given up on finding a new place, I happened to stumble upon a listing on the internet. It seemed to check many of our boxes and it was within our budget. We made an appointment to view it and then moved in just days later.

Now that Ramadan tranquillity, happiness and peace has become part of our day to day; even more so. We went from quite a small house, to a cramped room to something that is quite spacious. Dhuha especially seems to be relishing this new freedom. She now has her own room and her own bed. She is no longer restricted from any room in the house, with the exception of mine and Zahira’s room. On top of that she has a garden in which to escape from the house itself. Her mood and behaviour has improved a hundred fold.

There is no doubt that I am truly indebted to Allah the Most Merciful Lord. Oh Allah, make me a grateful servant!

Finally, Our Own Place

On 12 May 2011, In Family, by , 4 Comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Allah says in His Quran,

Verily, with every difficulty there is relief. (94:6)

How true! Life is full of challenges, some more serious than others. Yet, when the dust has settled, there is relief.

Alhamdulillah, a few weeks back my family was able to draw a line underneath a particularly challenging seven or eight months. We are now in our own place and enjoying the extra space. While I am grateful for the hospitality of my in-laws, I am relieved that we no longer need their hospitality.

Interview with MuslimaOasis for Autism Awareness

On 06 Apr 2011, In Autism, Family, by , 1 Comment

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Zahira and I recently did an interview with Emma Apple, founder of the online Muslim women’s magazine MuslimaOasis and the Autism awareness project BlueHijabDay.com.

The purpose of the interview was to raise awareness about autism within the Muslim community. Even though, I feel, I’m a poor autism awareness advocate, I was honoured and happy to answer the questions. I believe that each of us autism parents have something to share. Undoubtedly, our experiences can help people just entering the chaotic waters of ASD.

I would like to offer her my sincerest gratitude. I pray Allah ta’ala grants her every happiness in this life and the hereafter.

You can read the interview on the MuslimaOasis website.

About MuslimaOasis

(taken from muslimaoasis’ website)

Muslimas Oasis is a collaborative blog by and for Muslim (and non muslim) Women.

Our Goal and Purpose is to post articles and thoughts on issues affecting Women around the world from a Muslim Womans perspective. To encourage empowerment of Muslim Women (and non muslim women) and to encourage Muslim Women to stand up and use their powerful voice and powerful position in society.

We want to raise awareness of issues, eradicate stigma and stereotype, answer uncomfortable or taboo questions. We aim to encourage self awareness of body, mind and spirit on a personal and societal level.

About Blue Hijab Day

(taken from bluehijabday website)

Blue Hijab Day is an event started by Muslimas Oasis as a way to raise awareness about Autism, Aspergers and other Autism Spectrum Disorders. Our primary goal is to bring about more awareness of these disorders in the Muslim Community, a community which is sadly lacking in awareness and supportive resources for families living with autism. With that said, we very much welcome involvement from non Muslims and hope to bring about Awareness in the wider community through our efforts, we want Blue Hijab Day to become a mainstream awareness and fundraising effort with a Muslim face.

About Emma Apple

(taken from muslimaoasis’ website)

UmmHend is a kiwi mother of 2 who converted to Islam as a teenager in mid 2001 and has been known online ever since for efforts to spread understanding about Islam among Muslims and Non Muslims.

She is a Professional Web Designer, an Artist and a Published Writer, it was through her efforts for Islam that she became interested in web design and went on to teach herself and make a humble career of it.

She had all but given up on the online dawah (spreading Islamic information) efforts and finally, years later, Emma’s passionate opinions and drive to speak out inspired her to create a place that encourages women to use their voice and energy for something that will benefit them and their community, for positive affect rather than negative.

Without realizing it her original idea from 2001 came full circle. Muslimas Oasis is the matured version of the humble efforts Emma began to spread understanding of Islam and Muslim Women all those years ago.

A Need for an Islamic Special Needs School

On 13 Feb 2011, In Autism, Family, by , 10 Comments

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Parenting is a difficult job and it often requires parents to make difficult decisions about their children’s future. Among the most difficult, for me, has been deciding where to send my girls for school.

Sabah

Sabah started her learning career in public school, which was fine until it came to celebrating the holidays of the non-Muslim community. Her school, like most I imagine, made an especially big fuss about Christmas. Much less attention was given to Eid and other non-Christian holidays. Given the fact that Sabah’s class was more than 95% Muslim and most of the remaining 5% were Hindu, I had a big problem with the over the top attention given to Christian holidays.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against teaching kids about the holidays and beliefs of others. Sabah knows, for example, that Christmas is for Christians and past the pretty lights she couldn’t careless about it. Besides, there is nothing more precious, to her, on this planet than Eid. I just don’t want their celebrations and holidays forced down the throat of my children.

Our solution was to place Sabah in a private Islamic school. The school is far from perfect and I could find reason to criticize it. However, Sabah is doing well and I’m far happier sending Sabah to school.

Dhuha

Dhuha, on the other hand, started school in a specialist nursery for children with ASD, which turned out to be a terrible nightmare never to be repeated. Overnight, my docile, affectionate, sweet Dudu became an aggressive biting, pinching and spitting machine, who found it impossible to go to sleep. Dhuha was struggling to cope at school and no one informed us. Her school journal was filled with the unimportant details of what she ate during the day. A year and a half later, we are still dealing with the consequences.

Like Sabah, our solution was to put Dhuha into a private Islamic school and they seemed happy to have her. The rest of the year went smoothly and I was happy sending her to school.

When this year began, I was hopeful that Dhuha would continue to do well at school. However, despite intentions and effort, school has become a daycare, where someone looks after her and makes sure she doesn’t get into trouble but where very little learning is done. To be successful at teaching a child with autism, the school must make fantastic efforts to tailor lesson plans to the individual child, the teacher must strive to understand autism, the teacher must truly care about the child, and teaching must be done in partnership with the parents. Moreover, time is a factor. The child has to learn the skills to communicate and become independent as quickly as possible.

We don’t want to waste any more of Dhuha’s time. Therefore, Zahira and I have been to see a local public school that specializes in teaching children with various special needs, autism amongst them. I was particularly impressed with the way I saw them using PECS.

We have started the process of moving Dhuha to this new school. However, I feel tormented. This school is going to have some of the same problems as Sabah’s old school. I don’t think its necessarily the best idea to put so many children with so many problems together. I can’t have a repeat of Dhuha’s first school experience. Dhuha can’t speak for herself and I have a mistrust of public school employees. At the same time, Dhuha is not learning to communicate and she seems to not be included in her class, which is the primary reason for sending her to her current school.

An Islamic Special Needs School

I have to choose the best of a bad situation. Neither of my options are perfect. What would be perfect, is a school that can excel at teaching special needs children based on the Guidance and Mercy of Allah and His Rasul. Perhaps, my hair can be prevented from turning white and my head could fall heavily onto my pillow, without anxiety and worry. I know that if my prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, were on this earth now, his mercy and patience towards our children would be limitless. Dhuha and all special needs children deserve a home and school life based on that mercy and patience.

I Love My Wife

On 09 Sep 2010, In Zahira, by , 2 Comments

I love my wife.

She is, to me, all the comfort and beauty of the world.

I fear the day she is returned to her Creator, leaving me in a bleak world.

My hope and trust is with my Lord, who will not place upon me a burden greater than I can withstand.

Page 2 of 9 12345...»

@MyIslamicFamily

All Praise and Thanks belongs to Allah Alone. Copyright © 2009 - 2011 MyIslamicFamily.Com
↑ Scroll to top