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Browsing: Dhuha

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Yesterday at school, Sabah must have been thinking about Dhuha. So she coloured a picture and told her teacher that she wanted to give it to Dhuha, who is in another class. With permission, Sabah when to Dhuha’s class and gave her the picture you see. Dhuha was thrilled, Masha’Allah.

Sabah really loves Dhuha. That makes me feel proud to have such wonderful little girls. Plus, she has better crayon control at five than I do at 28 and 11 months. Alhamdulillah. 

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Last Saturday, I made an appointment to take Dhuha to see a raqi. I was meant to take her at dhuhr time to the masjid and after the jamaat he would spend 15 minutes with her. I had to pray before going because there would be no way to pray and look after her at the same time, which was a bit weird especially since I got there just after the salaah started.

I waited for about 15 minutes after the salaah had finished in the passageway just outside of the prayer hall but I couldn’t see the brother. I started to think that he hadn’t come and was thinking of leaving. I only didn’t because I know the brother is mashaAllah a good man and there’s no way he would abandon an appointment without justification. I kept looking through the glass trying to spot him but I couldn’t. Finally, after speaking with another brother I realised that the raqi was tucked away into a corner of the room just out of sight from the window.

He had been waiting for me patiently but was getting ready to leave himself convinced that I hadn’t come. I explained to him that I couldn’t bring Dhuha into the prayer hall because she would make too much noise and there isn’t any way for me to keep her quite. An explanation that he accepted and after he was sure that I’d prayed, he turned his attention to Dhuha.

I explained to him that Dhuha is autistic but I brought her there because she has been acting out of character ever since she started school a few months ago. My once docile Dudu has moments of trying to intentionally hurt people by biting, slapping and pinching. She is so intense that her face gives an expression of angry intent, which worries me greatly. Other problems are long periods of crying for seemingly no reason, not sleeping at night and appearing distressed at bedtime.

He took her on his lap and began reciting from the Quran. Dhuha seemed quite happy about sitting on this stranger’s lap and appeared to be listening attentively to his recitation. After a minute or two, she started laughing and laughing as if she had just heard the funniest joke. She laughed so hard that I could see all of her teeth at the same time. She continued to laugh right through, mixing it with trying to get off his lap, playing with his beard and stretching her body out. It was a strange spectacle and for a still unknown reason, I started to cry. Perhaps, the setting allowed me the opportunity to express the emotions that I normally bottle up, but I’m really not sure why I cried. At the end, he made du’aa, which caused Dhuha to stop laughing. She stared at him attentively again.

He gave her back to me. I looked at him waiting for him to say something like ‘there’s no problem’ or ‘there’s a problem and she needs more treatment’. He just said, ‘khair’ and gave me the impression that I should make another appointment. I got up and left with Dhuha and he walked over to another person and began speaking to him. That was it. I left feeling quite happy and Dhuha seemed to be happy as well.

Over the last week her behaviour has gotten worse but at least two days can be attributed to bowel problems and it is likely that the whole week of problems are leftovers from those problems. I hope that I will have another opportunity to take Dhuha to see him. 

Ya Allah, ya ar-Rahman, have mercy on me, my family and all the Muslims. Give us the strength and the wisdom to overcome the trials of life in a manner that You are pleased with. Ya Rabbi, we are pleased with what You have given us in blessings and trials and we are pleased with You as our Rabb; be pleased with us and do not call us to account for our shortcomings. All praise and thanks belongs to You, there is no god except You, You are the greatest.

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Dhuha loves bath time. If you let her she would never come out. She also loves toothpaste and toothbrushes, just not for brushing her teeth. She chews on the brushes until all the bristles are broken and she eats as much of the toothpaste as she can before someone stops her. If we try to brush her teeth she bites down hard making it impossible.

Zahira and I noticed that some of her teeth looked bad so we took both the girls to the dentist. Sabah happily sat while the dentist looked and worked on her teeth, took her sticker and spent the rest of the day telling everyone that they mustn’t eat any chocolate. Dhuha being Dhuha simply refused to open her mouth for the dentist to even look. We were referred to a ‘specialist’.

At the specialist’s office Dhuha still wasn’t willing to cooperate and so the decision was made that Dhuha would be put to sleep and they would do a ‘check and extract’ procedure. Meaning they aren’t going to try to fix any teeth. If they’re bad they come out.

All we had to do now is wait for an appointment, it could be a month. Meanwhile, Dhuha is having toothaches and she’s getting ready to start school. Her teacher informs us that they are only able to give the children their prescribed medications. It all means that if Dhuha hasn’t seen the dentist by the time she starts school, she won’t be given any pain-relief at school. It’s all very worrisome.

After a week and a half, the dentist calls us, there was a cancellation and Dhuha has an appointment. Alhamdulillah.

We head down to the hospital. After the standard check-in, which is feeling all too familiar, we are told that were first in line and shouldn’t be there more than an hour, giving a half-hour for observation after she wakes up.

Only one of us is allowed to accompany Dhuha in to the operating room and only until she’s asleep. At first this was going to be Zahira. She went in with her when she had her hearing test and seemed like she wanted to again. I was happy to sit in the waiting room blissfully ignorant and perhaps find a cup of coffee. Zahira changed her mind. I would have to go.

In the operating room the dentist attempts to show me Dhuha’s bad teeth, but Dhuha still isn’t cooperating. I have already seen her teeth. When she plays and laughs, she naturally opens her mouth. I noticed at least two black looking teeth. I don’t need to see her teeth I told her.

The dentist explains the check and remove procedure, which involves checking her teeth, removing any bad ones and removing opposites so that he mouth will stay straight. Oh and by the way, Dhuha won’t be given any numbing drugs because autistic children often find the numbing sensation more distressing than the pain of having teeth pulled from their mouth. ‘Is that OK’, she asks me. Let’s see, I have the option of potentially causing serious distress to my child because of a numbing sensation or the distress of the pain of having teeth forcibly removed. In any case, she didn’t ask like I had a choice.

Next the anaesthetist sits next to me and asks me a few questions about Dhuha’s health. All the questions we have already answered in our check-in meeting. I answer them. Then he asks if Dhuha has been put to sleep before. Yes, she has when she had a hearing test. He wants to know the outcome. She did really well and recovered from her sleep quite nicely. No, no. How is her hearing? What does her hearing have to do with putting her to sleep? Any way her hearing is fine or so says the test. Has Dhuha been in the hospital any other time? Yes, we are in and out. In fact, I know my way around that building so well that it upsets me. We have been to the ENT clinic (more than once), she has had an epilepsy test, blood tests and a bunch of other stuff, which is too labour-some to mention. Does she have epilepsy? No, these are the normal gambit of tests that they force children with ASD through. Physically, she is fine. She has a social and communicative disorder. What is ASD? AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER. You have it written on that paper your holding. You already know. Why are you asking?

I wonder if these people know how difficult it is to take care of a child with ASD or any special need and I wonder why they feel the need to make the lives of parents even more hellish. We don’t go to the hospital for a fun day out. I don’t want my daughters teeth removed and certainly don’t want her lying on that bed in the hands of people I don’t know.

He explains to me what he’s going to do. They will give her oxygen to make her sleep, then insert an IV into her hand and they will give her acetaminophen through the IV so when she wakes it will already be working. Fine.

I carry her to a chair next to the operating bed and I sit down with her and cradled her. They put an oxygen mask on her face, she’s upset and tries desperately to remove it. I hold her arms and legs down. Her eyes start to gloss over and I’m feeling devastated.

With her asleep, I place her gently on the bed before I’m ushered out rather quickly.

I was only back in the waiting room for ten minutes when a nurse came and fetched Zahira and I. Dhuha’s operation was finished, she was awake and she was upset. I could hear her crying far down the hall.

When we got to the room, two nurses were trying to clean the blood from her face and mouth. Dhuha was screaming and squirming making it impossible to care for her. I picked her up, which didn’t calm her in the least. She screamed and cried and bled and bled. Her, I and anything that got near her mouth was soon covered in blood. The nurses did nothing to help. What could they do? Their worried glances only made it more difficult for us.

One could hardly blame Dhuha. She didn’t know why we were at the hospital that day. Even though I did tell her. She would have remembered being put to sleep in a similar fashion to someone running up behind you with a chloroform covered rag and wrestling you to the floor until you unwillingly slept. On the best of days, Dhuha is a grump when she wakes up but surrounded by people she has never seen before, with a mouth full of blood and pain with them holding her down wasn’t going to make that process any easier. And as far as she knew as long as we stayed in the hospital it could happen again.

The anaesthetist redeems himself and allows us to leave the hospital without waiting for a 30 minute observation. Dhuha screamed and then cried and then was upset for the next few hours. Then a mercy from Allah came to Dhuha and the rest of us when she dozed off to sleep. She sleep for a few hours. When she woke she was able to eat and drink and was closer to her normal behaviour. Except for the occasional poke with the finger and the feeling with the tongue, you wouldn’t have known the trial of the morning.

Dhuha had four teeth removed four baddies, two from the bottom and two from the top.

Dhuh's Teeth

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

I don’t mean to brag but in Dhuha’s life daddy is number one. This is especially true when she’s upset. She’ll push past her mother, grandparents and anyone else just so I can carry and comfort her. That is one of the reasons, I feel, Dhuha and I have a great relationship of mutual dependence.

Even though we have this special bond, I have never seen Dhuha act in a jealous manner that is until today. I was holding Abdurrahman and Dhuha came to me crying and buried her face in my lap. Normally, I would pick her up but because I was holding him I couldn’t. After 30 seconds of crying, she abruptly looked up and punched him in the face! It was quite a hard hit and left a red mark.

I was shocked. I still am a bit shocked. More importantly I’m not sure how to handle it. My initial reaction was to separate the two but that wouldn’t be fair for either one of them. Dhuha finds it amusing when she sees someone else get hurt. I hope this is not a sign of things to come.

To Allah we belong and to Him is our return.

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

To be honest it is difficult to tell whether Dhuha had autism at birth or if she developed autism sometime within her first year of life. I lean towards her being autistic at birth but my own ignorance of the disorder didn’t allow me to see a problem until she was two years old. Looking back I can recognise clear autistic traits as far back as her ninth month and somewhat foggy memories of autistic traits when she was an infant.

One thing that troubled us was the MMR vaccine. Parents of autistic children have since the late 1990′s blamed it for their child’s condition. Zahira tells me that Dhuha actually received the MMR vaccine twice because for some reason the doctor’s office failed to record it the first time. Then just today we received a letter in the mail stating that it was time for Dhuha to get the MMR vaccine again, a third time! It is truly upsetting. When I read the letter I feel sick. My daughter doesn’t deserve that.

The BBC has reported that the British National Health Service has carried out some research that suggests that there is no link between the MMR vaccine and autism because the percentage of adults with ASD is similar to Children with ASD despite the MMR vaccine only being used since the 1990′s. (Autism rates back MMR jab safety)

Even with the reports and even with my suspicion that Dhuha was autistic at birth, I still am struggling with what to do with Abdurrahman but I won’t likely be sending him for many vaccinations, no matter the guilt trips the doctors and nurses try to put on us.

To Allah we belong and to Him is our return.

It occurred to me that I hadn’t informed my readers that we all recovered from swine flu. It was a rough sickness that hit Dhuha and I especially hard. The day I wrote about it was towards the end of our illness. Dhuha spent about 40 hours in bed and then the following two days crying and acting abnormally attached to other people, unwilling to adventure around the house and play. I still have a lingering cough but I am fundamentally healthy.

Sickness can be a blessing as it often reminds us of our impending death, which in turn reminds us of the need to seek forgiveness and renew our devotion to worshiping Allah ta’ala.

All Praise and Thanks belong to Allah, who gave me the opportunity to be ill and to seek forgiveness and then made me well again.

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Yesterday Dhuha’s special needs teacher came and she sat and played with her for over an hour. As I sat there watching her, how she played and copied her teacher, I couldn’t help but think no matter what happens I am so thankful that Allah the Most High has given me Dhuha just as she is.

Having a special needs child is challenging and frustrating and worrying but the benefits and rewards surpass all of that. I do want her to improve and get better and it seems as if she is but I don’t know how much of that is in my own head or how much of it is real progress.

In a few weeks, we have to take her to the hospital to have a hearing test done. During this test they have to put her to sleep and they will be looking at her brain stem for reactions to the test. She cannot do a normal hearing test because she doesn’t respond as normal children do. Although, I am 100% sure she can hear normally, her paediatrician ‘needs’ the test done so that she can diagnose her as autistic. Please make du’aa for her.

Getting the diagnoses has been a real mission impossible, which consisted of a number of trips across town, hours of waiting and ten minute meetings. Long waits at the paediatrician’s office with long meetings asking familiar questions about her development. Making phone calls that are not returned and people sending us in the wrong direction. Alhamdulillah, we now have an appointment for diagnoses, which is for the 27th of April. We need the diagnoses to get more specialised help, especially access to nurseries that deal with autistic children.

Oh Allah, All thanks and praise belongs to You alone.

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

I grew up in a family with a long tradition in chiropractics, which meant we all had a strong negative view of drugs and the practices of medical doctors. My uncle (my father’s father’s brother) Dr. LSD, who shot himself in a park a few years ago would often rant about the evils of antibiotics at family functions. My father did his best to prevent us from getting vaccinated and the only ones I got was when my mother took me or when school forced my father. I remember a few time missing a couple of days of school because he waited until the last minute.

I took this anti-drug attitude a bit further and I went years without taking any sort of medication. I would suffer through sickness or pain. My attitude towards taking pills and things carried on until, I suffered from severe toothache a year ago; I never went to dentists either. I was too poor to get it pulled and so I had to suffer that’s when I discovered the joy of Acetaminophen.

I am aware of the Islamic tradition of treating illness and that is why I have taken a different approach with my daughters. When they are sick, they take medicine and see a doctor and when it’s time for their vaccinations they get them. Sabah even got three in one day. However, recently I have been giving a lot of thought to Dhuha’s condition and I have heard that some research suggested that the MMR vaccination might have something to do with autism. Although, it should be said that the WHO has dismissed it and many other professionals have as well. In any case, since Meningitis C is an optional vaccination, I wanted to see if I could find anything that might connect them. I couldn’t find anything, which is good. In fact, it seems like a safe and beneficial immunisation. So, I don’t think I will object to her getting the vaccination.