To Know Her is to Love Her

As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

This is something a wrote a while back,

Along with my faith in God and getting married to the love of my life, becoming a father has been among the most enriching and rewarding experiences imaginable. All of my three children are special and I love them. They have their own beautiful personalities and complex lists of likes, dislikes and preferences. They also come with a set of unique challenges, which I have the privilege of facing with them.

In 2005 my wife gave birth to a wonderful little girl, suddenly parenthood was thrust upon me. Admittedly, I felt completely overwhelmed and incompetent. Worst still was the massive upheaval that a new baby brings to an established and comfortable routine. My initial problems with parenthood were compounded by the fact that they were only my problems. My wife seemed to take everything in stride and I was left on the outside, cold. In time, I overcame these problems and embraced my new found position as head of my own family. However, nothing could prepare me for the challenges that were coming just around the corner.

In 2006, God blessed me a second time with a beautiful little girl, Dhuha. The anxieties of first becoming a father were far behind me and I enjoyed her from the moment she was born. Having two very young children was difficult but the excitement and the fun of it far outweighed any hardships. Life for a brief moment was as close to perfection as possible. Perfection would not last; it is God’s wish to constantly test us with trials and tribulations. By the end of the first year of Dhuha’s life we began to notice some oddities in her behaviour. At the end of her second year, we were sure there was a problem. Dhuha’s behaviour was troublesome and she wasn’t progressing as we had expected. At three Dhuha was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Having a child on the autism spectrum makes life for the whole family difficult and restrictive. I can only imagine how Dhuha feels.

Dhuha has autism but it does not define who she is as a person. Underneath her developmental disorder, she is an intelligent, creative and affectionate girl. If you give her half a chance, she will prove that herself. To know her is to love her.

When my wife became pregnant in 2008, there was a worried excitement. I questioned whether or not I would be ready for another child with a disability. Thank God, my son was born healthy and has not shown any signs of autism. Although I am grateful that he does not have a disability, I think I could have handled it, with a lot of difficulty.

Having children and being a father and husband has made me a better person. I owe my family a lot, especially Dhuha.