As Salaam Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
I haven’t been writing much about Dhuha. Mostly because I didn’t want to seem like I was complaining. Even now, I am not complaining, not to Allah and especially not to any of you. I don’t need to complain because I am content with what Allah has given and I am content with the trial of autism that has affected my family. Alhamdulillah for everything.
This past year and the ending part of 2008 has been a pivotal time for Dhuha and our whole family. We went from being unable to cope with Dhuha’s strange behaviour, to understanding it, to accepting it and then getting a diagnosis. The transition was particularly hard for me. For a while, I chose to deny there was a problem at all. I latched on to very false promise that she will grow out of it or that it could be a mild learning disability. When I finally started to accept it, I felt guilty. I could have been the cause for all I knew. When I got past that Dhuha and I developed a very close relationship.
We learned how to communicate with Dhuha. We learned about various treatments and therapies. Dhuha started improving almost immediately. Every progress no matter how small has been a source of excitement for the whole family and what’s more exciting is her constant improvement, which continues today. I remember the first time Dhuha played with another child and the first time she kissed me. Today was the first time that I was able let her hand go outside and tell her to go to her mother, who was 20 feet away, without her making a break for it and running down the street.
Our excitement built as we approached the school year. The idea that Dhuha would be able to go to school was both wonderful and frighting. Wonderful because of the thrill of thinking about what she might achieve and frighting because she has only been away from my wife or I once before and that was with her grandparents, while she was sleeping.
We thought we had Dhuha’s schooling setup nicely. She was to attend a specialist nursery once a week and a private school three times a week. However, she just didn’t take to the specialist nursery. It was after attending the nursery for a few weeks that Dhuha started screaming at night and all night, which is perhaps the most difficult behaviour she has ever displayed. Even though she has calmed down considerably since those two months of night time misery, it is still a tremendous relief when she falls asleep. At about the same time she started biting. Her biting is so random that I get nervous when I am carrying her in certain positions. I still have bruises and a scab where she has bitten me. She also picked up the habit of spitting, which isn’t nice but something that I can easily overlook even when her spit ends up on my face.
This week Dhuha started going the full week at the private school and she seems to be doing very well and gets very excited to be at school in the mornings. Dhuha’s teacher informed us today that Dhuha is taking part in circle time and following the actions of the other children. Dhuha even has a friend, which I think is about the best.
I have come to realise that we are going to have ups and downs. Dhuha is going to have successes and setbacks. I hope the successes are many and the setbacks few and I am intent on doing whatever I can to make Dhuha’s life better, however, the most important thing to me is her happiness. So the decision is made to make sure her life is as stress free and content as possible and we all are just going to get on with the business of living.
